I recently read an essay in the May issue of TIME magazine that I’ve been thinking about ever since. In “What we’re losing by talking less,” Markham Heid wrote that “between 2005 and 2019, the number of words the average person uttered in a day fell by 28 percent.” He was citing research led by Matthias Mehl, a social psychology professor at the University of Arizona, and Valeria Pfeifer of the University of Missouri – Kansas City.
The research listed some theories about why this is the case, including the use of technology and an increase in social isolation.
These findings are likely not new to you. I’ve heard several references across many platforms about how young people are finding it more and more difficult to connect with people “IRL” (in real life), while isolation is also increasing for older people. A recent report from the University of Toronto noted a significant rise in social anxiety, particularly in teens and young adults. They pointed to disruptions caused during the pandemic, digital communication, and social media pressure as the primary causes.
In many of my articles, I often return to a theme of connection is protection. As is often the case with things that are conceptual, it can be difficult to apply the concepts to day-to-day life.
This one, however, is nicely straightforward. Talk to people. Talk. To. People.
When you engage someone in conversation, it can improve both their mood and yours. It rewards you by releasing both dopamine and serotonin, which are the neurotransmitters that give us those warm fuzzy feelings. And it doesn’t have to be a deep or long conversation. Simply wandering into a store and saying hello, or complimenting our local town gardeners on how pretty the flowers are downtown, is you making a connection
Another theme that I frequently discuss is the power of empathy. Connection and empathy go hand-in-hand. How can a person genuinely feel empathy (which Merriam-Webster defines as the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another) if they haven’t built some connection first?
Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, talks about how empathy fuels connection because it requires one to join with and relate to another on a human, vulnerable level, while sympathy can actually lead to disconnection because one can stay at a distance.
This brings us back to the practicalities of breaking through isolation and the habit of using technology to communicate and initiate a face-to-face conversation.
I want to invite (challenge?) each of you to make a conscious effort to talk with people. Say “hi” with a smile and a bit of eye contact when you’re waiting in line at the store. Take the time to call someone. A video call would be even better. You and they will get much more from hearing each other’s voices and seeing each other’s expressions than you would out of a text.
Even if empathy isn’t the goal or even applicable to the situation, you making a connection with another human being will benefit you both.
Sarah Hills, LPC, CAS, CAI, has a master’s degree in community counseling and the certification required by the state of Colorado as a certified addictions specialist at the supervisory level. She is also a certified ARISE® Interventionist. She is office-based in Estes Park and can be reached by phone at 720-250-6610. Click here to review her website.