In this time of deep division and uncertainty in our country, many of us are searching for meaningful connection and understanding. As I reflected on what we can do to contribute to civility, locally and nationally, I was reminded of my week at Ring Lake Ranch in Wyoming learning about the stunning petroglyphs—rock carvings some 4-8,000 years old. Our leader was Craig Childs, one of the Estes Valley Library’s recent One Book, One Village authors, sharing rock art insights based on decades of first-hand study.
Craig shared much, but two things particularly surprised and intrigued me. Before walking up close, Craig stands at a respectful distance, acknowledging petroglyphs and giving them time to acknowledge him. Once he does approach, he immediately turns around, looking at what the petroglyphs face to better understand their context. I wondered how our community and conversations might be enhanced by a similar approach.
Approaching with respect. Just as we don’t really know why the petroglyphs came to be or what they meant to those who created them, each person we meet is a mystery. By fostering openness, we can embrace differences rather than fearing them. We can choose how we think about, speak about and address those who hold different perspectives, remembering they are precious fellow human beings.
Honor the context. Recognizing how our life stories create our biases and strongly held opinions enables us to turn around and see another person’s context. We are shaped by many things, including our culture, family, biochemistry, experiences and the information we consume. Even seemingly small things can have a lasting impact on us, often unconsciously, and it is easy to assume everyone should come to the same conclusions or opinions. The way I see it must be right, of course, or I wouldn’t see it that way!
Approaching with respect and honoring the context doesn’t mean we cannot hold our positions passionately or work actively for change in the world. It does mean remaining open to new ideas, perspectives, and information along the way. Each of us is limited. We have blind spots, we miss information, and we value some things at the expense of others. Only together can we reach a more holistic perspective.
Listening for the stories behind the beliefs, the values behind the opinions, the hurt behind the anger creates openings of possibility. Owning my part, being honest and vulnerable, doesn’t mean taking all the responsibility.
Years ago, a parishioner was extremely angry with me, acting out in passive aggressive ways. I remember being upset by her poor behavior and defensive about my actions as the new priest leading the parish. But when I got quiet within myself, I realized how my actions had, unwittingly, contributed to the situation. I realized her anger stemmed from hurt. I had not included her in a meaningful way in the changes the church was making.
So, I apologized for the ways I had excluded her, recognizing the validity of her feelings. I invited conversation about how we might move forward together to enhance the community we both loved. Doing this didn’t resolve everything, but it did shift the energy and the situation in meaningful ways.
The power of love. Approaching challenging social and political situations with love can be impactful when participants are committed to that end, as the many organizations in our country dedicated to fostering dialogue can attest. For example, Leap of Faith is a current movie about pastors holding widely differing beliefs who seek to forge bonds of love, not just tolerance. What happened surprised even the director.
It is true we often don’t see evidence that this approach works. And our underlying resistance to this stance of love lies in our conviction that ‘the other side’ isn’t playing by the same rules and shows no interest in doing so. As someone who has studied the lives and words of Christian mystics such as St. Francis, Meister Eckhart and Julian of Norwich, I’m inspired by their whole-hearted commitment to love’s transforming power. Love does what it does regardless of the outcome.
This is a deep and difficult truth, and one I certainly struggle to live into day by day. But the gift in living with our hearts open to love is that it grounds us in something solid, and we are less susceptible to the emotional roller coaster.
The petroglyphs remind us to see and hold even our current political situation within a larger context. What will always be true is: did we do what we could to bring civility, respect and an ethic of love to even the most challenging moments of our lives.
Elizabeth Jameson is an ordained Episcopal priest who writes at Broken Open on Substack. She will be a panelist following the documentary Trusted Sources Monday evening, Oct. 28 at 7 p.m. at the Historic Park Theater, along with Mayor Gary Hall, Vanessa Otero, the developer of the Media Bias Chart, and the filmmaker Don Colacino. Tickets are free, but please RSVP to join us for a conversation about the role of the media and the civility in political discourse in the public square. This event is funded through the Colorado Media Project and the Rose Community Foundation.
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