Shortly after my father-in-law died, it became apparent to our family that my mother-in-law was struggling with memory issues.
While he was alive, he was able to provide cover for her. Nathalie was an intelligent woman who had graduated from college in the early 1940s. She got married and raised a family. She was active in community projects. In the 1960s, she became a pilot and obtained an instrument rating. She often hopped in their private plane, a Piper Comanche 400, and flew herself from her home in Des Moines to Colorado so she could spend time in Estes Park at the cabin they built at the top of Range View Road.
With an eye to retiring here, my in-laws got involved in civic endeavors. They helped establish the hospital foundation and Nathalie worked at the Elizabeth Guild. She helped at Holiday House fundraisers every year and always made a few large pinecone wreaths for the charity sale. An avid reader, she also volunteered at the library which allowed her to have an early crack at the newest acquisitions. She especially loved a good mystery novel.
After becoming a widow, Nathalie used her intelligence to compensate for her cognitive decline. But dementia, the type she had, was progressive. One day, before the family was willing to really acknowledge what was happening, she got lost driving after picking up my children from school. She was supposed to meet me at the bank we had all used for years to get the kids some Euros for a trip we were taking over spring break.
But she lost her way and wound up several miles from the bank. She stopped at a store and one of the kids asked to use the phone. He called my cell phone to tell me they were lost. It all turned out, but the family had to begin the conversation about taking away her driving privileges. It was a hard conversation because we just did not want to admit what was happening. Natalie had been such an independent woman. No one wanted to clip her wings, but it had become obvious that she should not be driving.
We had her assessed by an internal medicine doctor who specialized in geriatric medicine. At first, he prescribed Aricept, a drug used to treat mild, moderate, and severe dementia related to Alzheimer’s disease. About a year later, the doctor prescribed Namenda, which is approved for moderate to severe Alzheimer’s. He said the drugs might help slow the progression of the disease, but they would not cure what was happening.
The family moved her from an independent living apartment for seniors to a memory care assisted-living facility, and then we needed to move her again to a higher level of care.
Once my brother-in-law and his wife took her out for dinner at a nearby restaurant on what was my father-in-law’s birthday. My sister-in-law told her that “today was Papa’s birthday.” My mother-in law innocently said, “How’s he doing?” He had been gone about 10 years. It was a sobering and painful moment.
As Nathalie’s dementia progressed, her health also declined. Problems with macular degeneration made it hard for her to see and to do needlework. Degenerative disk disease gave her tremendous back pain. It was not just her memory. It was her personality, her judgment and ability to reason that was lost.
Over the course of a dozen years, she slipped away from us and died on Mother’s Day in 2012.
Prevalence and toll of dementia
Our family’s experiences are similar to those of millions of other families. Dementia is a disease that is often described as a slow walk into a long, dark night. Depending on the age of diagnosis, the type of dementia, and other health issues that are present, people dealing with dementia can live with the disease for a decade or longer.
Alzheimer’s is the most common form of dementia with about 7 million people affected in the U.S. Alzheimer’s accounts for about 60% to 80% of patients with dementia. While most of those with Alzheimer’s are 65 and older, about 110 of every 100,000 adults between ages 30 and 64 have young-onset Alzheimer’s.
Vascular dementia is caused by blood vessel damage to the brain. This can occur when the flow of blood and oxygen supply to the brain are interrupted, such as when a person has a stroke, but there are other causes of vascular dementia.
Another type of dementia is frontotemporal degeneration. Actor Bruce Willis was diagnosed with FTD in 2023. On Friday, Demi Moore, Willis’ ex-wife, spoke about his condition during an appearance on the Drew Barrymore show and offered advice for families facing dementia with a loved one.
Some other causes of dementia include hippocampal sclerosis, Lewey body disease, Parkinson’s, in addition to a combination of pathologies.
Dementia is a public health crisis that extracts an enormous emotional and financial toll on individuals and their loved ones. Earlier this year, researchers at the University of Southern California built a dementia cost model. In 2024, the total costs of medical care and long-term care for individuals with dementia are projected to reach $360 billion. That figure is expected to soar to nearly $1 trillion by 2050 as Baby Boomers (those born between 1946 to 1964) and then GenX age (those born between 1965-1980) age.
While costs vary by location, memory care can cost more than $6,000 a month in 2022. In Denver, memory care runs more than $7,000 a month.
Dementia Together: Support and education
While there is no cure for dementia, there are ways that symptoms can be managed, the quality of life for an individual can be improved, and family members and care givers can find support.
The Estes Valley Voice is honored to be a media sponsor of the annual Dementia Together: Living Well with Dementia symposium that will be held in Estes Park on Oct. 23, 2024, from 8:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. at the Estes Valley Community Center, 660 Community Dr.
Dementia Together is a non-profit based in Northern Colorado serving those living with dementia, their care partners, families, and our community. Their mission is to make sure no one has to walk the dementia journey alone. The organization offers classes, workshops, consultations, support groups, memory cafes, social gatherings, and community events to build awareness of resources for individuals and caregivers.
Dementia Together provides education about the SPECAL® method, an evidence-based model that is effective in positively managing dementia, promoting lifelong well-being for people living with dementia while decreasing stress for care partners.
The Living Well with Dementia symposium features educational sessions, workshops, a care partner panel, local resource and business vendors, and a memory cafe for those living with dementia. Breakfast and lunch will be provided. Registration is open until Oct. 21. There is no cost for the event which has been underwritten by donors. Sponsors of the symposium include UCHealth, Community Hearing Center, Senior Helpers, Bank of Colorado, and The Capstone at Centerra Senior Living Community.
The memory café will be offered to the first 15 registered Estes Park residents. Registration with key information must be completed by Oct. 16 so that the memory cafe activities can be customized to each person’s needs and interests. To register click here.
September is national Alzheimer’s Month. Over the next several weeks, the Estes Valley Voice will publish a series of articles about dementia, research into the disease, and the work of Dementia Together. If you have a story about caring for a loved one with dementia that you would like to share, please reach out to us at news@estesvalleyvoice.com
On Tuesday, a gentleman with dementia was disoriented; while in the Safeway/Dollar tree parking lots and he accidentally, stood outside of the wrong vehicle. He was approached by the hostile, suspicious car owner. The angry man screamed and accused, the man with dementia, of trying to steal his groceries or laundry. The sweet-man with dementia told me this story, and he was shook to the core. He shared that he was tired of his life. Facing his mortality, limitations and confusion was turned into a nightmare because some angry person thought this small fragile man was a monster. He has never hurt anyone in his life and didn’t deserve being accosted.
We live in a community made up of mostly, elderly people. Regardless, believing the worst in people has never helped anyone access compassion or empathy.
It is not the first time I’ve seen or heard of a special person treated poorly, because their behavior was offensive. Offense isn’t cause for aggression or cancelling another human. Nothing good comes out of transferring one’s fear onto another person. Dementia is a terminal brain disease and a person can function pretty well before the disease steals all their faculties. I hope we can make an effort be sensitive to others.